am i willing?

.. to know the worst of myself?

i'm reeeally far behind in my one-year chronological bible. what a great book. i just wish i had the discipline to actually sit down everyday and read what they wanted me to. too hard. but tonight i read January 8th's

Job 11-14.

the sovereignty of god. am i willing to know the worst of myself?

i'll answer that.. no.

i find it incredibly easy to gloss over the harder things - the shameful things - the sin in my life and just pass things off as great. my day was great. my time with jesus is great. great. great. great. so no, i don't usually know the worst in me. Job tonight made me think.

There is a line between self-pity and self-righteousness. I've heard a lot of people talk on this. I'm usually at either extreme. Or lying to myself and not even thinking. I can do that. "you have to be thinking of sommmmmething...??" ..not me.. sometimes I can sit and let my brain and thoughts be still. it's kinda freeing- in a dulling kinda way. I feel like I sound crazy - whatever, my blog.

Job and Matthew Henry (love commentary) paint a sweet picture of the difference between us and our Holy God. "Can you fathom the mysteries of God? Can you probe the limits of the Almighty? They are higher than the heavens - what can you do? They are deeper than the depths of the grave - what can you do?" versus man being a vain creature, empty yet very proud - self conceited.

Praise God that I am an empty creature. That he is the only thing to fill my soul and my longings and that whatever he fulfills in me is Him and that he be the only thing I can be proud of. Praise God that we are looked upon in his grace and not by our works - because I am inevitably evil.. anyone else? Thank you God for seeing me with mercy.

Job 12.10 - In His hand is the life of every creature and the breath of all mankind

great night. seriously.