finding comfort..

through the internet..

is that weird?

oh well, after a horrible first week of Blake being at school (it actually hasn't even been a full week yet) I turn to google just because it feels like right now, there is no one that I can relate to.. I pull up my search and just start typing words that come to mind.. med school fiances/wives.. And of course, the first 3 posts are blogs from other Med School wives - blogs about how hard it was, is and will be.. (extremely sarcastic "great!")

http://www.doctorswife.net/the_doctors_wife/2008/09/medical-school.html

^ This lady is genius.. I think I found a new blog to stalk.. So, if I could write down everything I'm thinking right now, this post would probably be every single answer I was looking for..

Being a medical school wife is tough- you make a lot of sacrifices. Emotionally, financially, career, you name it. It can be very difficult to feel like you are often making sacrifices for a goal that is not your own. Most days I was happy to make the sacrifices- I loved Mike and knew how important this goal was for him, and therefore it was important to me. Most days I saw the end justifying the means, it was a shared vision of the kind of life we wanted for our family that we were both working for.

But then there were days that I felt resentful, angry, and left behind. At the end of the four years after all of my hard work and sacrifice I was not the one with the degree, my opinion was not the one respected. Sure, my work was not recognized by most, it was behind the scenes. I think that the days that I felt bad, all I really wanted was a little reassurance and an expression of appreciation. I also realized that having those negative feelings only brought about more negativity. I learned to try to stop them in their tracks (I'm not saying you should bottle up your emotions, or not ever have negative feelings about what's going on in your life- just don't give them the power to take over your life). Instead of focusing on the bad, I would try to find the good.

Medical school is only part of the journey of your life, and in the grand scheme of things it is a very small part of the journey. It is so easy to fall into the line of thinking about how difficult things can be, and trust me- all this will do is bring you further down. Things are going to be difficult some of the time, and it is hard to find yourself in a position where you are so out of control, but you have to look towards the future and remember that in the grand scheme of your life, this is a small amount of time (an intense time, but short!). So my advice is to learn to let things go- don't hold onto those negative feelings, feel them and let them go and move on. Life is too short, and too full of wonderful things to live any other way.

So, for tonight, so I can get some sleep.. I'm letting things go.. goodnight