Tuesday, February 17, 2009

breathe in, breathe out, carry on..

jobless again.. can a girl catch a freakin' break? (someone in this car, HAS GOT to be kidding me) i need a skill, or a trade.. with that, had a lot of time to sit. and think. can you take back prayers? how would you go about that.. here's the thing, after graduating and becoming a freakin' adult, i asked god to never let me get comfortable. i never wanted to be settled, with a savings account that could feed nations, second or third mortgages, walking around in jeans with the little a's on the booty or driving a car that could be the equivalent of a house. (not that any of those things aren't biblical.. because, like in luke 15, if we can't have mercy on the older brother, as he did have everything, then we are in the same world view as him, judging the younger brother when he did everything "wrong". who are we to say that because you do have those things you are not close with jesus?)  but, now, that i sit at home, no cash money dough comin' in, i'm starting to feel a lil anxiety. do not be anxious, blah blah blah.. um, it's kinda hard..

i trust that the lord will provide, with everything in me i know that he will provide. i've seen it happen since december.. it's the coolest feeling in this world, to know that you have done absolutely nothing, but that jesus has given you everything you need to make it through. gah! so, this stress, these tears, interview after interview, actually not knowing if you can pay your car payment this month.. answer to a prayer? i don't know.. all i'm saying is, i half way want to take back that prayer for my life.. maybe a little security? maybe a little comfort? i mean, am i selling out on jesus? 

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