night one.

first younglife club of the year was tonight. It's unbelievable to see all of the joy in these high school kids.. they're yelling, at. the. top. of. their. lungs. seriously going nuts.. there was blood. the part that gets me.. is that there IS so much joy there and most of them don't recognize it yet or have no idea where it comes from.. buuut i do :) it may just take them a while to figure it out, but when they do.. life will be never be the same. deep breath. in. out. smile.

I was just sitting in the back towards the end taking it all in.. I just COULD NOT believe there were that many kids there.. that's where they chose to be and what they wanted to do with their Monday night.. and then it's like Jesus sat down next to me.. indian style.. arm around shoulder.. pointing out certain kids, telling me to look at them, remember them.. showing me what is about to happen..

good night. mm hm.

how god continues to change how i see him..

I went on staff with YL for 10 years and those years shaped my thinking on ministry (show up; be with people; share Jesus; love; show up; pray; open the Scripture; show up; pray; open the Scripture; pray; love; it’s about kids/people; it’s about Christ; show up; love; pray; open the Scripture). - Cheryl Fletcher

it's just that simple. and that's it. 

Some may know, but this ministry-based organization used to drive me up the wall. I had judged so quickly and satan had hardened my heart to stick with these ideas i had come up with. god's sovereignty. perfect. now, i find myself spending most nights immersing myself in "showing up"

it's nights like tonight that remind me what this is all for.. if we've got to waste our lives here until we go home, why not waste it "doing life" with people, showing up and sharing anything we know about jesus' life?

what a great night. there are big things about to happen..

my heavenly

Yes, I am coming soon –jesus.

 I’ve always thought heaven to be this eternal party.. a constant rave, I really just compare it to things of this world that bring complete joy to my life (4 a.m, GirlTalk, bonnaroo) he has let me see these things just to give me a simple, incomparable taste of what’s to come. Just this week, it’s been clearer to me than ever just how big our God is. He has created this place, this world, he made something from a complete nothing. He designed me, my roommates, my parents, ok.. this could go on forever, he made personality. God, you know me better than I know myself? He has numbered my days. He has already thought of and put into place everything that happens every second of my life and everyone else’s around me. I cannot wait until I get to be reunited with my beloved. Deep breath. I will have no more questions, I’ll be with my love and everything will be right.

 So when I’m lonely and when I’m old. I will fix my gaze up, through the clouds, to where I’m going to be, my heavenly. My heavenly.

Now, the dwelling of God is with men, and he will live with them, they will be his people and god himself will be with them and be their god.

 I will be with the One I love


With unveiled face I'll see Him


There my soul with be satisfied

Soon and very soon

 Though you have not seen him, you love him. Though you do not now see him, you believe in him and rejoice with joy that is inexpressible and filled with glory

Lord, here I am.. 

elevator people

i was already in the elevator, heard some clicks on the marble floors in the lobby begin to speed up.. this means for the next 44 floors ill have an elevator buddy.. (side note, pet peeve, people who get on and take the elevator down or up ONE floor.. serious?) but this guy did the little prance with his arms clinched in running position, chest up, holding his breath, like "i look like i'm hurrying but really, i'm moving at the exact same pace" but he got on.. no eye contact, eyes glued to the blackberry.. and all i hear is scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll.. and it's loud scrolling because no conversation has been initiated.. then doors open, blackberry goes back in the pocket and he leaves.. what was he looking for??? 

was he just seeing how fast he could get to the bottom of his texts? cause that's gonna be annoying when he has to go back to the top.. no way could a web page have been that long on a blackberry.. i just found this man and his blackberry etiquette very strange..

i don't know which i prefer.. silence and everyone staring at the floor like if anyone looks up we'll all petrify or the one loud old man that gets in and makes a mediocre joke that everyone is forced to laugh at.. i do like the simple "have a good day" when exiting though, it's easy, brightens the day and it's a fast exit.. 

:)

my 1700 pacific boyfriend just walked me into work this morning, he is such good protection, and like a gentleman, he walked on the road side so i wouldn't fall into danger.. love is in the air.. we came to our respective destinations and had to split.. but we got to walk for one more block across the way from each other, still holding hands though.. it was adorable.. i love us..

tonight..

i'm watching "under the tuscan sun" and it is making me miss.. miss.. miss Spain, I realize that the movie is about Italy.. but what's the difference eh? it's the mystery.. freedom.. it's being so alone, yet completely immersed.. freshness and warmth, change, adventure, secrets, breath and joy..

that's it, if i'm 35 and single, i'm going to buy land in italy, or spain, and live.. yep

in the mean time, i have begun pre-training for the official training of the half marathon i will be running on December 13th.. this is all michael's idea, and for some reason it sounded intriguing, so here i am.. in pre-training.. and now, i've heard doubts from a few friends, so duh.. i'm more motivated.. 

WEEK ONE:

DAY ONE- 3 miles

DAY TWO-  rest

DAY THREE- 3 miles

DAY FOUR- 3 miles

DAY FIVE- rest

DAY SIX- 4 miles

DAY SEVEN- rest

and it only gets worse..

stuck..

why can't i just let go, drop everything i know here.. and do what i wanna do?

one morning i will, i will just wake up and go..

what am i so freakin' afraid of? things in life just passing by without me? what does that even really mean?

what if this is what i am truly made for.. and all it really takes is just a little faith? i can do that right? just a little faith..

i like to think that this is where god has set me.. but what if it's not, what if i'm just scared? comfortable? selfish?  and if it is, why does this uneasy feeling in me keep comin' up?

how do i know when i'm ready? or when he's ready for me?