a bride-to-be at 3 days out..

Thoughts that run through a bride's mind the Wednesday night before her wedding..

where can i find double stick tape?

am i really getting married this weekend, THIS weekend? it was just April..

couples massages in mexico

am i going to remember anything from this day that we've spent months preparing for?

everything is about to be new.. brand new.. every thought, every experience, every conversation..

should i have eaten fried mushrooms, chicken fingers and "intense chocolate" ice cream for dinner?

am i going to cry? is blake going to cry?

i wish dakota could come..

i hope Blake starts to feel better..

i cannot WAIT to go to sleep with and wake up next to my favorite person in the whole world!

How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called Children of God! Dear friends, now we are children of God, and what we will be has not yet been made known. But we know that when he appears, we shall be like him, for we shall see him as he is. 1 John 3:1

IM GETTIN HITCHED IN 3 DAYS!

Lauren Johnson Lauren Johnson Lauren Johnson Lauren Johnson Lauren Johnson!

New Layout, New Pictures!

These are a few of Blake's White Coat Ceremony. Is it terrible that all I could see walking across stage were multiple Meredith Greys, Derek Shepherds, Karevs and Yangs?

Now, if you glance real fast past this next one, we kinda look like the front cover to the Grey's DVDs..

aww! isn't he just the cutest medical student you've ever seen?? lovely.. Now, only 7 and a half more years to go, but at least they all look legit now..

and it's POURING outside now, so, I think I'll try to pick up where I left off in grey's, season 5? season 6? These last 8 wedding invitations will have to wait until tomorrow, sorry guys.. you don't even know who you are..

A thought on James..

I just missed an October post by one day! dannnnngit!

Now, back to what I got on here to write in the first place.

I'm in a woman's bible study at the village and we're right smack dab in the middle of it, and for some reason (god and the holy spirit would probably be a good guess) this week's made my mind do some serious thinking.

"Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God, " Colossians 4:16.

Note. The study is on James 3:1-12. So, I'm a gossip, I'm a slanderer, I'm a liar, I'm an arguer, I'm sarcastic, I'm boastful and I flatter. Turns out all previously stated things are leading to my complete destruction and death. Which I knew, but praise God that he knows this about me and still decided to save me from myself. This week and for the rest of life here, I pray that god guards my heart against my own desires that I may develop a genuine faith where singing psalms, and hymns and spiritual songs and letting the word dwell in me richly becomes life.

I'm a piece of work, and have a long way to go.

Apartment Therapy

Here it is.. the first room in the future Johnson's humble abode complete..

the grill, gift compliments of The Bakers for Blake's birthday.. note - do not tell anyone here at the complex that this exists, per our Lessor there is no grilling here.. so it is merely there as storage, that's the story..

Our garden..

The chairs my dad refinished for me, pillows from home depot clearance section..

Our first room, I cannot wait until fall is here so we can enjoy a glass of wine or two out here and watch the air planes take off..

next project, Blake's study..

a new book.

Blake and I begin pre-marital counseling. Our books are in! Honestly, I'm pretty excited... We attended a marriage seminar, A Weekend to Remember, back in June and it was one of the best things I've done! It was so cool to hear what all to expect, how to argue, how to love, and most importantly what the basis of this idea of marriage is all about, Jesus. So, we've taken our assessment exams ( i don't know if that's the right word, just a test to see what we will need to talk about pre-marriage ) we have our books and study guides, and we have our mentor couple, Teresa and Billy Bob... so pumped! And, have I mentioned.. only 94 more days.. blahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhahahaha! woo!

nerds are so in..

Last night Blake and I attended the Dallas County Medical Society's Annual Med Student Dinner... Looking back on my second encounter with Medical Students, I find that I'm on a very long road of medical jokes. Jokes about hypotheses, physicians, medicine and other such things that I will have to endure and fake laugh at for the rest of my life. With that, I am trying to perfect a new fake laugh for intellectuals, I'm taking advice on how I can look believable.. Hopefully some of these hysterical jokes will become repeats so that I, with full confidence, will be able to laugh at the jokes Blake has already explained..

finding comfort..

through the internet..

is that weird?

oh well, after a horrible first week of Blake being at school (it actually hasn't even been a full week yet) I turn to google just because it feels like right now, there is no one that I can relate to.. I pull up my search and just start typing words that come to mind.. med school fiances/wives.. And of course, the first 3 posts are blogs from other Med School wives - blogs about how hard it was, is and will be.. (extremely sarcastic "great!")

http://www.doctorswife.net/the_doctors_wife/2008/09/medical-school.html

^ This lady is genius.. I think I found a new blog to stalk.. So, if I could write down everything I'm thinking right now, this post would probably be every single answer I was looking for..

Being a medical school wife is tough- you make a lot of sacrifices. Emotionally, financially, career, you name it. It can be very difficult to feel like you are often making sacrifices for a goal that is not your own. Most days I was happy to make the sacrifices- I loved Mike and knew how important this goal was for him, and therefore it was important to me. Most days I saw the end justifying the means, it was a shared vision of the kind of life we wanted for our family that we were both working for.

But then there were days that I felt resentful, angry, and left behind. At the end of the four years after all of my hard work and sacrifice I was not the one with the degree, my opinion was not the one respected. Sure, my work was not recognized by most, it was behind the scenes. I think that the days that I felt bad, all I really wanted was a little reassurance and an expression of appreciation. I also realized that having those negative feelings only brought about more negativity. I learned to try to stop them in their tracks (I'm not saying you should bottle up your emotions, or not ever have negative feelings about what's going on in your life- just don't give them the power to take over your life). Instead of focusing on the bad, I would try to find the good.

Medical school is only part of the journey of your life, and in the grand scheme of things it is a very small part of the journey. It is so easy to fall into the line of thinking about how difficult things can be, and trust me- all this will do is bring you further down. Things are going to be difficult some of the time, and it is hard to find yourself in a position where you are so out of control, but you have to look towards the future and remember that in the grand scheme of your life, this is a small amount of time (an intense time, but short!). So my advice is to learn to let things go- don't hold onto those negative feelings, feel them and let them go and move on. Life is too short, and too full of wonderful things to live any other way.

So, for tonight, so I can get some sleep.. I'm letting things go.. goodnight

and it's august

all i can do to stay active in this blog world is to update..

1) I'm poor and unemployed - Blake and I thought we were packing up and moving to Houston so he could get his doctor education at UT Houston. Sure enough, I quit my job, get ready for the move back to Houston and we find out he's been accepted to his first choice school, UT Southwestern, yea, that's in Dallas. So here I sit, in my new apartment (which is absolutely fabulous - good thing I have a sugar daddy these days) watching HGTV and DIY network, sleeping til one...

2) Aldi is the best store in the entire world! I'm not sure if they've expanded beyond Dallas yet, but I did ALL my grocery shopping there for 40 bucks! When normally I cannot get out of Tom Thumb without staying under 100! Aldi helpful shopper's hint - bring a quarter to get a basket and bring your own bags.. I had one casualty and that was one crescent roll - she popped in the trunk of my car due to the rolling around or the heat.. we'll never know..

3) My best friend Lauren had a baby!!! Kyler William Kimmel, I'm an aunt!!

4) I've got my dress for my wedding, we have the Parador booked, we have the caterer in line, the photographer on board, the girls have their dresses ( navvvvyyyyy ) flowers are chosen.. all we need now are the details and the music!! ahh! cannot wait to be Mrs. Johnson, J's are already taking over the decor in my/our apartment!

In order to keep my internet life updated..

I'M ENGAGED TO BE MARRIED! I'm so in love with this boy it makes me giddy just thinking that in December we will be married and together forever. Every night I thank God that he gave me this relationship, this man to love and follow for the rest of our lives. I know that He has big things for us and I just cannot wait to see what it looks like...

with that.. here are a few e-pics that I love, taken by the most-talented Kate Newman

what a sweet..

just another somethin' that tells me he loves me..

plus..

and finally - one of the first and most brilliant things Blake's ever taught me..

so, this is what i get post dinner.. plate of oreos - warmed up in the microwave ( i don't know where he came up with that, but i'm not mad - who wouldn't want warm oreos??) glass of milk - and a fork - for complete submersion.. couldn't have been any more genius..

Therapy.

This weekend.. scratch that.. Friday was much needed. I suggest this to any ex-Drill Teamer....

I know you realize it's April/May.. and I know you know what that means.. so here's what you do.. so what if you look feel like a lurk, go to your local high school - admissions stand, "one please".. get your fourth row seat - cause we know to see the whole stage you have to sit back a little, how else can you see if all toes are pointed and all ripples are on cue? sit down, open your program - who cares if you don't know anyone.. just remember to yourself how much cuter your ad was.. and enjoy the dimming lights..
That's right..... IT'S SPRING SHOW!!!! My roommate and forever friend, Hope Cheadle and I, went to Plano East's Spring Show this weekend. It's great that you can go anywhere in Texas and still see the overlays. the boots. the glittery hats. the openner. the finale. and that beautiful drill team talent. cause we all know those were some of the best times of our lives. I've already planned myself to have two girls, three years apart, they will be on Drill Team.. and they will compete the heck out of MA dance as an unstopable sister duo taking trophy after trophy..

Sure we didn't know anyone.. except only one of my Younglife girls.. we still felt a peace in our hearts leaving that night. Dance is therapy. Drill team, I can honestly say, shaped me into the person I am today, and it was so nice to see a whole new set of girls in Plano, Texas receiving the same set of morals and responsibilites and experiences as Hope and I did.

6 years since that picture above and still love Drill Team.. Love it..

broken cisterns

the idea of a broken cistern has never felt more real than it has today..

i just become so lowly sometimes.. and it's taken me a while to realize, but every time, it comes down to the fact that i'm not filling my time with you. I'm not taking this relationship serious. I become so numb to the day to day that i forget you're the only thing that i thirst for. buying that thing isn't going to bring me life, doing that activity isn't going to bring me life, spending time with those people isn't going to bring me life. It's the time like this, when i get to soak in your presence and hear your truth, that makes this life worth living.

keep my interest in you.. keep my heart patient.. how marvelous.. keep my soul thirsting..

praise god that you are everything i need. i hope that you are always what i want..

no power, no heat, but so worth it..

snow day.. dallas.. 2010

the day captured..

mullin town..

mullin with someone great.

exploring.

good food.

pep in my step.

thought.

i'm going to take more pictures.

am i willing?

.. to know the worst of myself?

i'm reeeally far behind in my one-year chronological bible. what a great book. i just wish i had the discipline to actually sit down everyday and read what they wanted me to. too hard. but tonight i read January 8th's

Job 11-14.

the sovereignty of god. am i willing to know the worst of myself?

i'll answer that.. no.

i find it incredibly easy to gloss over the harder things - the shameful things - the sin in my life and just pass things off as great. my day was great. my time with jesus is great. great. great. great. so no, i don't usually know the worst in me. Job tonight made me think.

There is a line between self-pity and self-righteousness. I've heard a lot of people talk on this. I'm usually at either extreme. Or lying to myself and not even thinking. I can do that. "you have to be thinking of sommmmmething...??" ..not me.. sometimes I can sit and let my brain and thoughts be still. it's kinda freeing- in a dulling kinda way. I feel like I sound crazy - whatever, my blog.

Job and Matthew Henry (love commentary) paint a sweet picture of the difference between us and our Holy God. "Can you fathom the mysteries of God? Can you probe the limits of the Almighty? They are higher than the heavens - what can you do? They are deeper than the depths of the grave - what can you do?" versus man being a vain creature, empty yet very proud - self conceited.

Praise God that I am an empty creature. That he is the only thing to fill my soul and my longings and that whatever he fulfills in me is Him and that he be the only thing I can be proud of. Praise God that we are looked upon in his grace and not by our works - because I am inevitably evil.. anyone else? Thank you God for seeing me with mercy.

Job 12.10 - In His hand is the life of every creature and the breath of all mankind

great night. seriously.

hello blog.

it's like the blog is the friend in that cliche story you here all the time. that story that i've most heard at weddings. the one where the guy starts dating a girl and his best friends never see him again. (nothing wrong with that - just sayin') "with flowers in her hair" has been the neglected dude friend. i'm making amends..

It's a new year. It's already the middle of January! I can't believe this.. so, 12 days (happy birthday lauren kimmel) into the year and I've come to realize - I don't know anything. I don't know anything in a good way.

I don't know what's gonna happen tomorrow, I don't know where I'll be in 4 years, I don't know where I'll be in 4 months. I don't know who i'll end up with, though I have hopes. I don't know politics, economy, health care ( except that PrimaCare SUCKS ), my job most the time, how to be "sweet", what Jesus says about a lot of things I claim to believe, history, or what to say in most instances.

This is a weird post - but I feel confident in my ignorance. I like where I am 12 days in. I have control issues - duh. So, it has been a trip on my heart these past couple months freaking just letting go - commanding myself to stop prediciting - stop expecting - stop planning. It's not gonna happen like I think it should - cause in the end - I know what i'm planning is gonna be totally lame to what God makes happen in my world.

so, for jan 13th on.. i'm relaxing. i'm praying. i'm getting close to my first love again. let's do this 2010!

So then, brothers and sisters, we are under obligation, not to the flesh, to live according to the flesh (for if you live accordnig to the flesh, you will die), but if by the spirit you put to death the deeds of the body you will live. For all who are led by the spirit of god are the sons of god. For you did not receive the spriit of slavery leading again to fear, but you received the spirit of adoption, by whom we cry, "abba, father." The spirit himself bears witness to our spirit that we are god's children. Romans 8:12